A Post On Paddling.net Thread By Me Warning Of Poisoned River

Coolkayaker1 writes: The Illinois Department of Natural Resources will be dumping Rotenine, a fish poison, in the Little Calumet River by the truckload from May 20 onward for five days (some days are collecting fish rather than poisoning the waterway). It's been posted on Chicago Area Sea Kayakers website as a serious caution.

I think this will not affect our Fox River paddle trip unless someone falls out of the kayak and gulps a giant swig of river water. Then they'll have a wicked bad belly ache before convulsing at home that night on the floor and chomping their inner cheeks to hamburger.

If that happens to any paddler from our trip, when you fall down and your eyes roll back into your head (and before the creeping jeebies completely overwhelm your nervous system like lightening strikes in a spring shower at Yellowstone National Park), quickly use your elbows to Army crawl over to a piece of furniture and get your mouth around a wooden chair leg. You may chip a few teeth from the force of the involuntary mandible contractions against the rock maple, but it might just keep your mouth and windpipe clear of saliva and minced tongue. No way around this, though: your head will beat the floor like wooden sticks on a bass drum playing Wagner's Ride Of The Valkyries. But fear not, you won't remember a thing about your rotenine-induced conniption fit. Conversely, the helpless loved ones around you will never forget it.

See you on the water!